WASHINGTON, April 1, 2016 (United Press Irrational) – “Apparently it takes a village to read my damn emails!” shouted former Secretary of State and current Secretary of Defensiveness Hillary Clinton, at a press conference this morning, where she announced her sudden and unexpected withdrawal from the presidential race.
“Me and Bill, we’re just sick of politics!” she explained, referring to her little-known husband William “Bill” Clinton, known for his modest and reclusive temperament. The Clintons plan to retire to their farm in Arkansas, where they will raise chickens for Chick-fil-A.
“Hillary is looking forward to getting back to her knitting,” Bill added, “and me, well, along with the farm I’ll be heading up a new program to train presidential interns.”
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Note: the above is not meant to be a statement for or against any particular candidate (see The Donald for President). I will, however, confess to being a laugh wing radical.