A Gnat’s To-Do List
- Find face
- Fly into it
Cincinnati, Ohio, has a rich German past. So Octoberfest is a big deal here. Only it happens in September, while the weather is still warm.
We sat under a big Octoberfest tent recently, slurping Märzen lager and noshing hot krouty mettwurst (well, OK, I, did–my wife nibbled chicken and sipped lemonade). Predictably, the flies fought with me over who could consume the most mustard.
But not the gnats.
They headed straight for our faces. Causing us (well, me) to slosh more beer and splatter more mustard than I actually got into my mouth.
So, what’s the deal with gnats?
Turns out they’re more properly called eye gnats, and they live not by beer alone, but by all the mucous that proceedeth from the mouth–and eyes and nose–of mortals.
The average human consumes three or four thousand gnats in a lifetime. Which is not only disgusting, but seriously unsanitary (gnats are covered in toxic bacteria), and a raw deal for all those hard-working gnat dads, too. I mean, they’re only trying to bring home the bacon (or, well, mucous) to their gnaty little families. So, what’s the solution?
Pass the gnats, please.