5 Year Old Exposes Truth About Barney!

Cute-newborn-baby-girls-clothesMy daughter Mandy was born smart. If she’d known English the day she was born, I’m sure she’d have explained to the obstetrician that he was doing it all wrong.

By the time she was 2 that oversight had been corrected. At a supermarket she asked, “Daddy, may I have a cherry popsicle, please?”

A harried looking shopper observed, gobsmacked, “That toddler just used a complete sentence!”

“Of course,” I said, “she knows a proper sentence needs a subject, object, and a verb.”


Then Mandy asked the lady if she would like a hug.  Because, you see, my daughter wasn’t just smart, she was also deeply perceptive.

latestSo it came as no surprise that one day, at age 5, while she was dancing along with TV philosopher Barney the Dinosaur, she had a profound epiphany. She’d been singing an insipid self-esteem ditty with him that went,

“I’m special!  You’re special!  Everybody’s special!”

when she suddenly stopped mid-kick-ball-change and asked, “Daddy?”

“Yes, darling?”

“If everybody’s special, doesn’t that mean ‘special’ is just ordinary?”

She still loved the gentle purple dunder-lizard but always questioned his wisdom after that. (Personally, I suspect it takes more than a little fermented grape juice to remain that color day after day.)

chucke-cheese-large1One year later, we celebrated Mandy’s 6th birthday at Chuck E. Cheese’s. She’d just finished giving the big cheese a compassionate hug when she took me aside and announced, “He’s not real.”

“He’s not?”

“No, there’s someone inside.”

“Really?  Who?”


The gig was up.  She’d figured out that, lacking any real depth as a sage, Barney had plummeted in the ratings and been forced to moonlight as a pizza-pushing rat.

That was when I knew my own days as a mentor were numbered.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Popular Culture & Entertainment and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to 5 Year Old Exposes Truth About Barney!

  1. Heather says:

    I love how kids think

    Now I no longer need to wonder about the inspiration behind the despicably villainous line from The Incredibles

    “When everyone’s super….no one is!”

    Some writer must have had an insightful, Barney-exposed 5-year-old…

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I can’t wait until I turn 5. Growing up backwards has its perks. I’m just jealous Mandy beat me to it. :O(

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Gives one hope for this world doesn’t it?

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Matilda Novak says:

    This is excellent, Mitch! You should write a book based on the things your girls have said and done while growing up….Ps– Though i’ve not met Mandy, i Love her.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. barbara says:


    Liked by 2 people

  6. Erika Kind says:

    Haha… this is too cute!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Quixie says:

    I love her! She reminds me so much of my daughter😊

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Sammy says:

    Well done Mandy, your father finally figured out who the boss in the family is. Ha.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Clearly your days as her mentor are kaput. What is her blog address, I would like to ask her about her theories on existentialism?

    Liked by 3 people

  10. kaakins says:

    Chuckie look so scry:)😊☺️😖

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lucie says:

    Too cute, Mitch!! So, how old is your precious “little girl” today???? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Such an inviting style of writing, and how great to be gifted with the wisdom of a five-year-old mind! Thanks for reading and liking my blog posts…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. renezmairude says:

    It seems your daughter is smarter than 80% of adults. Adorable 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  14. joyful2bee says:

    What a perceptive, ingenious and creative child she was. Bet you she is an amazing woman!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Eric T Knight says:

    Excellent! Hilarious! Out of the mouths of babes…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Squidtea says:

    Wow, your daughter is a genius! And I can see she has no trouble following Paul’s command to test everything! What a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: I Am Epically Awesome | Mitch Teemley

  18. Pingback: Don’t Love Yourself! | Mitch Teemley

  19. mitchteemley says:

    Reblogged this on Mitch Teemley and commented:

    As we enter shooting day number four on our feature film, I’m re-running this favorite older post. Blessings till it hurts! ~Mitch


  20. Wendy says:

    Haha – out of the mouths of babes. Yes – I find that with my two granddaughters age 4 & 6 years – they never cease to amaze me! x

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Ever since my boys were little I knew there was something about that gentle purple dunder-lizard, he wasn’t to be trusted and clearly Mandy has proven me right. Very wise indeed and so cute! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Hahaha….that was way too sweet—just like her photo. I enjoyed this; it made me think about my cousin’s first granddaughter. It was almost as if she was born to “know”. She walked and never crawled, she recognized other children and wanted to babble and play with them before she could even go to a preschool, it was fascinating to witness those things. Thank you for sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Roos Ruse says:

    Once again you’ve evoked many happy memories of my own, Mitch. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Nancy Ruegg says:

    Nothing better to bring some sunshine to a bleak, overcast day than some child humor. However, I must say that your additional comments, Dad, were worthy additions–like the bit about Barney reduced to a pizza-pushing rat! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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